The Daily Dung
"Tuna From Laguna"



It's no wonder Kellie Pickler won herself a lot of fans as the “naughty little minx” on the popular talent bandwagon American Idol. Though she didn't win and got the boot right smack in the middle of the competition, (she finished 6^th, ya nitpicks) Kellie got herself a record deal with 19 Recordings/BNA Nashville with her debut album due to be released on October 31 of this year. I tried many potions to conjure up Kellie in my room to score exclusive deets on her upcoming album.

After trying about a million combinations on the ingredients I have available, there she was, in all her southern-belle glory, the naughty little minx herself, Kellie “Calamari” Pickler. At first, she was a bit apprehensive in doing the interview, mumbling stuff I barely understood, saying things about Katharine and the other Idols, but as we went along, she became very comfortable with me and started to enjoy our little tete-a-tete.

I noticed a little fly or two buzzing about the room during the interview but I shrugged it off, thinking that these might be my colleagues from The Daily Dung out to check how I'm doing. (Greg, please confirm) Anyhow, I first asked Kellie how she's doing, and she told me she's having the buzz of her life on the tour, singing for multitudes of people, sneaking around with Katharine to go dump their used bottles of water on Taylor's and Ace's bed (noting that this was her and Kat's most favorite activity during the tour). I tried orbing to the guys' tour bus to check it out, and true enough, Taylor and Ace both are sleeping on hundreds of mineral water bottles (Tay even has one bottle stuck on his mouth, like a baby bottle)

After that, I noticed Kellie started to doze off (she was exhausted like the fan, “exhaust fan”, get it?), I barraged with her with questions on her upcoming album. She told me it definitely is gonna sound like country, with songs themed along the lines of heartbreak, hooking up, and surely, family. Fans should expect the same old twangy voice they heard on Idol along with new tweaks on her singing. For instance, Kellie's gonna try doing an R'n'B/dance version of Walkin' After Midnight which she will push to be released as the album's first single. Title? Kellie says she's got no idea whatsoever on that particular aspect (“naming the album?! I thought it automatically comes up when all the songs are finished!” Kellie says) and leaves it up to the people who wears the dark jackets during the recording sessions. (“I think they have all the answers”, she quips)

I tried asking her some more questions about the album, but she was already sleeping soundly after her last answer. With that, I decided to bring her back to the Idol bus (wherever in world that was) before she wakes up the whole neighborhood (my whole family was already banging on my door at the time) with her snoring/guzzling sounds.

You thought the article was gonna end here huh? Um, actually it is ending here. Gotta go clean up my room and fix the door. Kellie was a bit of a mess when she left, she was spitting gum left and right while mumbling “Will Ferrell wiped my armpits! Oh my gah!”

Bye!

Part 2: Interview with Octo P. Us, President of YukkyCalamari Fans club

TDD: So, Octo, how are you doing? Have you already met with Kellie?

Octo: Well, er, um, *burp*, I uh, I, *whoo, wipes buggers*, *makes guzzling noise*, haven't met with Kellie personally yet, just through phone calls set up by fellow fans. *guzzling noise*

TDD: What in the world is that guzzling noise?

Octo: Oh, that, *speaking clearly now* that's actually my piss squirter, I use it on unsuspecting criminals during my day job. Did you know I was a police man?

TDD: Uh...no, no idea.

Octo: What in the world?!?! You're interviewing me, and you haven't done your research!?! I want to speak to your editor!

TDD: Hello? How am I supposed to research on you, when all I've seen you do is that guzzling sound and burp?!

Octo: Huh? Really now? You are so getting fired from your paper..

TDD: Let me see you do that. *raising eyebrows*

Octo: You daring me now? You daring me now?! *pulls out piss squirter*

TDD: Oh no, not the piss squirter?!?! You are so gross! Why did Kellie even recognize you as president of her fan club?

Octo: You wouldn't understand 'cause you haven't done your stupid research on me!!

TDD: Just answer the question..

Octo: Oh, alright, I am a die-hard Kellie fan, alright? The reason I became president of YC was because of what I did this one time at a local train station (station will be unnamed for privacy purposes) where this was this guy just dissing Kellie because of her supposed "antics" during the AI finale segment she had with Wolfgang Puck..*stifles a tear*

TDD: It's alright, go on..



****To be continued****

*Peeks in, sees rival reporter pokes and runs away*
That's for taking what could've been my job! You meanie! I'll be back muhahahahaha!

*Points the green McPheenger at you on the way out*

*follows Yuv on the way with the yellow poking McPheenger*

What the..?!?! Somebody catch that loony!!! He's trying to botch MY interview!!!

Give him a job at THT or TDD, please, whatever, do something, just don't let him mess up my career!!

If he does that again, I swear, I'm gonna have to orb him somewhere very, very far from here...